i am so irritated and pissed off i can't decide what to say for this entry. a lot of things have been circling through my head and i can't figure out if i am coming or going. my godsister grace just had twins last week. she named them emiya and eniya. i think that is great which means when i come home i have twins to care of. lol. she is going to be trying to hit the streets while i babysit. thats okay. i'll prolly enjoy it for awhile.

i am so ready to go back home to chicago it is ridiculous. i am so tired of being down here at Tennessee State. yanno, i can take some of the stupid shit that goes on down here at home because at the end of the day, i can rest my head on my own pillow in my own bed next door to my mothers room. i just want to be closer to home because i am not physically ready to be away from that. i have always been like two years behind my regular age. mentally. now don't get me wrong i am not a retard or anything but i could seriously kick it with like a junior in high school because that's where my brain is still at. if you not understanding what i am saying...i really don't give a damn. it's just in my life i have always been like two years behind. i dunno why.

as far as transferring schools i really want to go to columbia college in chicago. it is like the best curriculum for me. it's just that every time i talk to my mother she tries to talk me out of it or she claims we can't afford it. i believe her too. this summer i think i am going to skip summer school altogether to save up some money for the next semester. i am going to try my best to work like two jobs or something. i need to make about a good 1000 before the summer is over. if i get back home for spring break and i am saying if now because i have no money...i will be going job hunting. i'm not going to have any money to come home because my mother has to pay my tuition this month, then she is trying to go to Vegas on a 3 day vacation. which means she is going to come back empty handed. if i get home this break..it'll be out of my own pocket from this check i am trying to cash by tomorrow. it costs 95.00 and some change to get home and i only have a 150 check. spring break isn't until next month i have to continue to do laundry and get groceries until then, yanno? i dunno how this is going to work out.

i'm fed up with this whole school thing i feel like it is a waste of time and money i feel like i could really be doing something else. i just don't know what....

my mother is worrying me. she is so so sick. i feel so bad that i can't be there and there is no one to help her. she threw her back out again and she has been coughing so bad that she can barely talk or sleep. that worries me. i wish it was just something that i could do. i just want her to go to the hospital but she won't go. that is really pissing me off. i am damn near begging her to go but she won't. well...i have nothing else that i want to talk about maybe i'll write again another day soon.